I just heard My Best Friend by Tim McGraw on the radio and it reminded me of a time in my life where I was simply a romantic. I just knew back then that I would find my Prince Charming and live happily ever after. Jealousy, mistrust and emotional pain were foreign to me, while I daydreamed of my life with the man of my dreams, beautiful children and the white picket fence. While I still feel the white picket fence may be a little over the top, I'm working on regaining a bit of my naivete, a bit of my reckless abandon, so I can truly have a future filled with promise. The lyrics state exactly what I would love to find in my future mate and maybe, just maybe, one of these days I will... ;)
I never had no one I could count on.
I've been let down so many times.
I was tired of hurtin', so tired of searchin' till you walked into my life.
It was a feeling I'd never known...
And for the first time, I didn't feel alone.
You're more than a lover. There could never be another, to make me feel the way you do.
Oh we just get closer...I fall in love all over. Everytime I look at you.
I don't know where I'd be, without you here with me.
Life with you makes perfect sense. You're my best friend.
You're my best friend, oh yeah.
You stand by me, and you believe in me... Like nobody ever has.
When my world goes crazy, you're right there to save me. You make me see how much I have.
And I still tremble, when we touch. And, oh the look in your eyes, when we make love.
You're more than a lover. There could never be another, to make me feel the way you do.
Oh we just get closer. I fall in love all over. Everytime I look at you.
And I don't know where I'd be, without you here with me. Life with you makes perfect sense.
You're my best friend. You're my best friend.
You're more than a lover. There could never be another, to make me feel the way you do.
Oh, we just get closer. I fall in love all over, everytime I look at you.
And I don't know where Id be, without you here with me. Life with you makes perfect sense.
You're my best friend. You're my best friend. You're my best friend.
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Love One's Self
"To love one's self is the beginning of a life-long romance."
-Oscar Wilde
We all live busy lives, balancing family, work, and friends...and somehow, we forget to balance ourselves in the mix. We are constantly with other people and when we're forced to be alone, in the car or even on an elevator...we're on our cell phones! With that, I'll take it a step further. Some of us not only forget to spend time with ourselves, we run from that time...simply because it's the unknown. I find myself always focusing on the needs and wants of others, but never focusing on what I want or need. Is it because I'm selfless? I'd like to think so, but that's simply not always the case. Ever since I was a little girl, I've never wanted to be alone. Sure, my parents' divorce played a part in the fact that I felt a little uneasy about being "left," but I never, ever wanted to be alone. I couldn't sleep alone, I couldn't play alone...I couldn't even go to the restroom alone. And I didn't have to. My mother and I moved in with my aunt and two cousins and since there wasn't really room for me, I got to pick who I wanted to sleep with every night. I remember the panic I felt when I was forced to do what I thought was pure torture - sleep alone. When my mother remarried, I spent the first two weeks crying myself to sleep outside their locked bedroom door. A difficult lesson on independence, but one I most certainly needed to learn. Thinking back, I've always been an overachiever. I wanted to be involved in everything, so I was constantly busy and constantly entertained. I moved from my parents' home into a four-bedroom house with SEVEN other girls. Alone time was foreign to me, just like I wanted it to be. When I married, my husband was always there and when he wasn't, a friend or one of his sisters spent the night. When I divorced, I found myself completely alone on the nights Eli spent with his father. I remember vividly the first night he was gone. For so many reasons, I didn't know how to function. I cried myself to sleep. It was almost too much to handle. I then decided I didn't want to feel that feeling again and made sure I always had plans on the nights he was gone. Always. It was unhealthy, as many of those nights were spent out until all hours with the girls, but it worked for me at the time. I never had to focus on me. I never had to focus on what I wanted from life. And I didn't want to. I'm so happy to say that is all finally changing. I'm beginning to love spending time with me and it's becoming a luxury to spend an entire evening alone. I'm not sure what I was afraid of and it's sad that it's taken me 30 years to figure it out...but better late than never, I guess! ;)
This being said, I'm learning to love myself like I love my best friends, forgive myself for the things only I know I've done wrong, encourage myself to excel at everything I do, love myself, even the imperfections that most likely only I see, and most importantly, believe in myself.
-Oscar Wilde
We all live busy lives, balancing family, work, and friends...and somehow, we forget to balance ourselves in the mix. We are constantly with other people and when we're forced to be alone, in the car or even on an elevator...we're on our cell phones! With that, I'll take it a step further. Some of us not only forget to spend time with ourselves, we run from that time...simply because it's the unknown. I find myself always focusing on the needs and wants of others, but never focusing on what I want or need. Is it because I'm selfless? I'd like to think so, but that's simply not always the case. Ever since I was a little girl, I've never wanted to be alone. Sure, my parents' divorce played a part in the fact that I felt a little uneasy about being "left," but I never, ever wanted to be alone. I couldn't sleep alone, I couldn't play alone...I couldn't even go to the restroom alone. And I didn't have to. My mother and I moved in with my aunt and two cousins and since there wasn't really room for me, I got to pick who I wanted to sleep with every night. I remember the panic I felt when I was forced to do what I thought was pure torture - sleep alone. When my mother remarried, I spent the first two weeks crying myself to sleep outside their locked bedroom door. A difficult lesson on independence, but one I most certainly needed to learn. Thinking back, I've always been an overachiever. I wanted to be involved in everything, so I was constantly busy and constantly entertained. I moved from my parents' home into a four-bedroom house with SEVEN other girls. Alone time was foreign to me, just like I wanted it to be. When I married, my husband was always there and when he wasn't, a friend or one of his sisters spent the night. When I divorced, I found myself completely alone on the nights Eli spent with his father. I remember vividly the first night he was gone. For so many reasons, I didn't know how to function. I cried myself to sleep. It was almost too much to handle. I then decided I didn't want to feel that feeling again and made sure I always had plans on the nights he was gone. Always. It was unhealthy, as many of those nights were spent out until all hours with the girls, but it worked for me at the time. I never had to focus on me. I never had to focus on what I wanted from life. And I didn't want to. I'm so happy to say that is all finally changing. I'm beginning to love spending time with me and it's becoming a luxury to spend an entire evening alone. I'm not sure what I was afraid of and it's sad that it's taken me 30 years to figure it out...but better late than never, I guess! ;)
This being said, I'm learning to love myself like I love my best friends, forgive myself for the things only I know I've done wrong, encourage myself to excel at everything I do, love myself, even the imperfections that most likely only I see, and most importantly, believe in myself.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Veteran's Day!
Veteran's Day is tomorrow and the annual parade was this morning, so Mom (a veteran herself) and I took Eli. It was disheartening to me that so few people make it out to honor both the men and women who fought for our freedom and those still risking their lives for our country. The good news is, those who were in attendance braved the cold wind to feel the unity of our country and remember the bravery of our soldiers. Please continue to pray for our troops.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Mommy and Eli
Well, it's just the two of us again and I am truly savoring our time together! I love my little man. He is truly amazing and so wise beyond his age. :) In fact, total strangers comment on his vocabulary and say he's like a little adult. A couple of weeks ago we headed out, like many other mornings, before the sun was up. He said, "Mommy, I think the sun is tired this morning, because it won't get out of bed." When he's finished talking on the phone, instead of dropping it and taking off to play...he simply says "Oooo-kaaayyy" in a sing-song voice to let you know he's ready. Lol. He loves to make sure Mommy's happy and even "holds me" at naptime. There's nothing more wonderful than waking up to my precious boy with his beautiful pouty lips. I'm so blessed.
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