Reality.

Yet again, my heart has been broken. My character and integrity have just been harshly criticized by the very person who told me that he loves me more than anything and the very person whom I loved so dearly. There was a time in my life when I would allow those cruel words to crush me, because I wasn't completely comfortable with who I was. But I now know that, like everyone, I have my faults and I have done things that I'm not proud of...but that does NOT make me a bad person. I will not allow someone to tell me that I'm not a good person or a good mother, simply because they are looking for something hateful and negative to say. Especially when I work so hard to be both. That being said, it is incredibly disheartening to know that someone who is supposedly in love with me could be so hurtful. I'm hurt, confused, but mostly disappointed.

Why?

Why is it that every time I feel like I have my life in order, that everything is finally falling into place...something happens to knock me off my feet? Wait, I think I just answered my own question. I just re-read that sentence, "every time I feel like I have my life in order" and realized that maybe, just maybe, I'm trying too hard to do it on my own - once again - and not relying on the Lord like I should. Wow. There's something to be said for blogging to give you perspective.

Eli - that smile!

Eli is adorable...and unfortunately, he knows it. Possibly because every waking moment, someone is telling him how cute he is. Today, a woman came up to him and said, "I hate to say this, but you are the prettiest boy I've ever seen." To that, he simply flashes that Eli smile. The boy can do no wrong when he flashes that smile, even sometimes with his mommy - the ultimate disciplinarian. At lunch today, he looked up at me, smiled, wiggled his little bottom and said, "Mommy, you drive me nuts!" What?! And all I could do was laugh. Oh wow...

Eli - Future American Idol?

Eli loves to watch TV with me before we go to bed. Each night we watch a "mommy show." The Amazing Race is the "airplane show," Survivor is the "show where they play games" and American Idol is the "singing show." It is also his favorite, because he loves, loves, loves to sing, play instruments and dance. Last night was "Hollywood Week" and on this episode, the judges narrow down the contestants to the top 24 who actually go before a voting audience. Anyway, the contestants were all on stage, performing with a full band. Eli was mesmerized. He kept commenting on how good each performer was, and amazingly - he was right on (as if I'm the ultimate judge). Toward the end of the show, he said, "Mommy, when I'm 5, you and me need to go there (pointing to the stage) and I'll sing. You can bring the guitar." :)

A Welcome Addition

It's taken me awhile to post. That's mostly because every time I have something on my mind and venture to my page to type...my last blog and Riley's picture pop up and I'm reminded once again of the great life we've lost, be it temporarily. But, I know I need to move on and post again...

Eli and I are now blessed to have TWO additions to our home. My friend Tessa has moved in and her and her cat, Charley, now call our house home. I'm loving it. Sure, Eli's testing every boundary, wondering if I'll really enforce the rules in front of the new roommate. And, Max is becoming Super-Dog, enforcing the fact that he was here first. If you can imagine Eli chasing Max, who's chasing Charley...eesh! It's definitely a three-ring circus...but, I'm still loving every minute of it. It's so nice to have an adult around again, and even better, for the adult to be a friend and someone I know I'll grow even closer to over time. It's only been five days and I already feel like we've been friends for a lifetime. I'm blessed.